


How to Pretend to be Straight for Her

by ClarkeBlake



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/F, Not A Happy Ending, Pining, i loved this, lots of pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-04-04 17:15:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4146024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClarkeBlake/pseuds/ClarkeBlake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off<a href="http://clarkescurves.tumblr.com/post/120504048435/1-you-have-a-toothbrush-in-her-bathroom-you-have"> this post</a> Morgause is in love with her best friend Morgana but Morgana has no idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Pretend to be Straight for Her

**Author's Note:**

> This is a birthday gift for Gina! Happy birthday babe! Also thank you to my betas [ Annie](http://castielscrusade.tumblr.com) , [ Steph](http://sirbellamyblake.tumblr.com) , and [ Seshu](http://profcolysmorgan.tumblr.com) . You all are the best! Also I made the outfits for the after grad party, [ Morgause's](http://www.polyvore.com/modern_morgana_after_grad_party/set?id=164342738) and [ Morgana's](http://www.polyvore.com/modern_morgana_after_grad_party/set?id=164342738).

One  
She looked into the mirror as she finished pulling her curly blonde locks up into a bun that sat atop of her head. She was wearing a pair of old pajama pants rolled a bit; they were pale blue and covered with cartoon penguins. Her old tee shirt hung loosely over her frame, the slightly too short fabric exposing her midriff, and her tan skin contrasted drastically to the bright white of the shirt. She felt so comfortable here, just like when she’s at home. She reached for the hot pink toothbrush Morgana had bought for her after the third time she forgot to pack one when spending the night. Morgause smiled at the sight of it standing alongside the blue one she knew was Morgana’s. It almost felt domestic.

“Morgause! You have to come see this!” Morgana hollered from the bedroom attached. She peeked her head out, toothbrush in her mouth, and almost choked at the sight of Morgana. She was lying on her back, her ebony hair flowed out across the bed and eyes shining with laughter. ”Quick, quick! It’s a snapchat!” Morgana rushed her over with a motion of her hand. Hustling, toothpaste foam still around her lips, Morgana replayed it. The video was of their friend Nim drunkenly singing One Direction at Karaoke, and Morgause let out a surprised laugh, closing her mouth quickly so the toothbrush wouldn’t clatter to the ground. Running to the bathroom, she spit out the paste and rinsed her mouth before tumbling back into the room and into the bed next to Morgana.

“What the hell? Who took that?” Morgause asked still smiling. She loved being so close to the girl she secretly loved. Morgana slid onto her side so she was facing the blonde. Their bodies were curved towards each other, faces just inches apart. Morgause could see every detail of her face. The striking green eyes and the purple bags underneath them that she usually covered with concealer. Her sharp cheekbones rosy with giggles from earlier. Her lips so perfectly formed she was convinced god made them with Morgause in mind.

“Mordred sent it to me,” Morgana giggled. “After all the 1D bashing she still knows every word to No Control while drunk. I’m never letting her live this down.” Morgana’s eyes twinkled with an evil, mischievous glint that Morgause had, at some point, grown rather accustomed to.

“You one hundred percent already posted it on Tumblr didn’t you?” Morgause asked, a small smirk playing at her lips.

Morgana scoffed “Tumblr? More like Tumblr, Insta, Vine, Facebook, hell I even put it on Google Plus,” Morgana said, rolling her eyes. “Don’t underestimate me,” she finished. Morgause chuckled in reply, but before she could open her mouth to speak, Morgana’s mom was shouting up the stairs about the pizza that had just arrived. Morgana bounced off her bed with a ‘woohoo!’, but Morgause just watched her for a second before she got up. The tiny striped shorts Morgana wore showed off her legs, and the blonde couldn’t help but stare for a moment, before coming to her sense and following down the stairs to the kitchen.

Morgana’s mom was setting the pizzas on the counter and turned to both girls with a small smile. She greeted both with a kiss on the forehead.

“I got Pizza Hut, and of course one all veggie for my lovely vegetarian.” She smiled and looked at Morgause with as much adoration as she looked at her own daughter. Both Morgause and Morgana sang out a ‘thanks, mum!’, giving hugs and grabbing pieces before they even grabbed a plate. Some people thought it odd that Morgause called Morgana's parents mum and dad, but it’s just how they worked. How they’ve always worked.

After eating and watching some television with Mum, they said goodnight and went back upstairs. Mum smiled fondly as she watched them whisper and giggle and shove as the climbed the staircase.

Once they reached the room, Morgana headed to the en-suite to wash her face and all prepare for bed. Morgause had already done all of that, but she figured she should brush her teeth again since she ate. Morgana had some poppy song Morgause didn’t recognize and was swinging her hips. She grabbed Morgause’s hands and they started dancing together. Just giggling and being silly. ‘I want this for the rest of my life’ Morgause thought to herself and it hurt; she tried to repress the thought and just enjoy the time she did have.

They fumbled and fell into bed, Morgana laid her head against Morgause’s chest, the blondes breath catching. “Night, Mor. Love ya,” she said tiredly before quickly drifting to sleep. Morgause could feel her breath slowing into a slow rhythm. Every time she exhaled the air tickled her collar bone. Biting her lip and closing her eyes, it took everything in her not to cry.

 

Two  
It’s two weeks later and this time Morgana is over at Morgause’s place. They’re curled up on the couch arms with legs so intertwined it’s hard to tell where one girl starts and the other begins. Morgana is watching Inception intently, but Morgause is more focused on Morgana. The furrow in her brow when she’s worried about a character, the way she has a sweet smile when she thinks something is cute, or how her eyes widen when something terrible happens. The movie is picking up faster and faster but Morgause can see Morgana falling asleep. So when she’s sure the girl is completely out, she carefully reaches for the remote, making sure not to jostle the girl laying on top of her. Pausing the movie quickly, Morgause leaned back and let the green-eyed beauty rest. She slipped her fingers through her hair, just running them through again and again.

Morgause knew she shouldn’t, but she couldn’t help watch her sleep. Her face so soft and lovely and just everything she wanted. Morgana started letting out little snores that Morgause found so cute her heart physically ached.

After about twenty or so minutes Morgause slipped her fingers down Morgana’s ribs. She knew the girl was most ticklish there. After a moment of light, fleeting touches, Morgana started giggling and thrashing. Morgause ended up sprawled under Morgana on the floor in an all-out tickle fight, both laughing so hard they were nearly crying. When Morgause cried out an ‘Uncle uncle! You win!’ through loud laughs, Morgana’s hands stilled, and she remained straddled on Morgause’s hips. They were both still giggling. It took everything in Morgause not to look up and see the crinkles she knew would be by Morgana’s beautiful green eyes. Her cheeks would be rosy from the exertion. Her smile just for her. So she didn’t look. She knew it would just keep her up all night.

At the last moment she thought the lack of sleep might be worth it and saw Morgana above her, all smiles just like she knew she would be. She leaned her head back and sighed as Morgana got up. Morgause knew she was speaking, but man she regretted looking.

 

Three  
Morgause was about to lose her mind. She had a ten page research paper due for her college class in less than ten hours. It was a paper about Henry VIII. And okay maybe she knows Wikipedia isn’t the place to be, but she’s desperate. Morgana is lying on her bed studying for her Algebra Two exam and letting out cute distracting sighs every forty five seconds. And, yeah, Morgause is definitely going to lose her mind.

It was bad enough when Morgana had shown up at the front door. Her smile was wide and she had on a cute little dress, a backpack strapped to her that made her resemble a turtle with a too big shell. ”I came to study,” she explained before pushing past and going straight to Morgause’s room.

“Morgs, I have to get this paper done,” Morgause had said with a sigh.

“I know!! And I have to study for this exam so I can actually graduate,” Morgana replied with a tone clearly saying the ‘duh’ she’d left out of the sentence. And, well, Morgause couldn’t exactly explain that her presence in and of itself was a distraction.

She was definitely going to get a giant F on this paper. Morgause slammed her head against the desk and groaned. She heard Morgana leaving the room but didn’t look up again until Morgana stood in front of her with a huge cup of chocolate milk, Morgause’s absolute favorite. Morgause couldn’t help it she smiled so sweetly and it took everything in her not to lean up and meet her lips in a soft, sweet kiss. She took a sip of the drink and made a funny face knowing she’d have a milk ‘stache. Morgana giggled like a third grader.

Morgause got a C but barely.

 

Four

This was it, they had graduated. Morgause couldn’t believe Morgana still managed to look good in the gaudy yellow gown and cap they were forced to wear. No one was supposed to look good in those things, but Morgana defied that expectation.

Once the ceremony was over and all the family and friend pictures had been taken, Morgana had excitedly pulled Morgause to the side and showed her the text. It was a group text to almost everyone in their graduating class, the cool and semi-cool kids at least. It was an invite to a party at Gwaine Green’s house tonight. BYOB* though. Morgana was so excited she was shaking. Literally. Morgause pretended to be excited for her but her heart clenched. She had planned on the two of them going out together, like they always did at the end of the school year.

“This is so great!” Morgana had squealed tightly holding her phone in one hand and Morgause’s bicep in the other. “Arthur Pendragon will probably be there! Arthur,” she finished with a dreamy look in her eye and a soft sigh. Morgase clenched her teeth and responded with, “It’s gonna be the best.”

It started out okay, it always did. They’d gone back to Morgana’s place to get ready. Morgana insisted on picking out what Morgause wear. Morgana loved styling people and really was quite good at it, so Morgause allowed it.

They stood in front of the wide mirror doing their intricate make up when Morgana turned to Morgause. She grabbed her hand and pulled her close. Morgause swallowed, their faces were so close, and a stream of ‘is she going to kiss me?’ flowed through Morgause’s mind, her heart racing. Then Morgana reached her hand up and touched her chin, holding her face steady. The blonde could feel her breath becoming weak. Morgana grinned and held up some liquid eye liner. “Let me do your eyes,” Morgana spoke through a grin. Morgause deflated, but made sure Morgana wouldn’t be able to tell. Being so close to Morgana was intoxicating and Morgause just breathed in the smell trying to enjoy the moment while it lasted.

“There!” announced Morgana with a dramatic flourish. Looking in the mirror she saw the two girls standing next to each other. The looked like complete opposites. Morgause with her blonde hair flowing down her back pulled away from the face. She had a nude lip and a strong eye. She’d been given a red skater skirt that reached about mid-thigh with the black elastic band lying right beneath her navel. The skirt was paired with a black crop top. It crisscrossed in the back forming an x, and in the front there was a thin cut out so a sliver of her midriff was visible. Her cleavage was showing and looked near perfect. Finally, the whole piece was finished with a dragon ear cuff, the silver matched her studded heeled boots. But Morgana was next to her, dark hair pulled up in an intricate style with curls framing her cheeks, a berry lip and a simple eye. She wore a black form fitting dress that was striped with emoji’s and also reached mid-thigh. She paired it with a pair of strappy yellow heels and two black chokers. One was twisted, the other a black cord with a flower jewel in the center.

Morgana beamed in the mirror. “We look perfectly delectable,” Morgana said and swiveled her hips in a teasing fashion. Morgause rolled her eyes.

“Morgana, we both you know that you always look perfect.”

Morgana frowned and furrowed her brow before wrapping an arm around Morgause “We always look perfect,” she said, emphasizing the we.

They left Morgana’s house a few minutes later. Morgause’s mouth was dry. She was so stricken with how happy Morgana was. She was giggly, cheeks pink, and eyes glistening as they screamed every lyric to New Romantics. Her heart felt a physical ache when they left the comfort of the car.

The party was already started and the bass was bumping. Morgana quickly found them some alcohol by batting her eyelashes at a group of boys the girls didn’t even know the names of. When a Jason Derulo song came on, Morgana screamed about it being her jam and pulled the blonde girl into the middle of the dancing. She was singing along and swinging her hips, hands in the air. Her green eyes sparkled as she pulled Morgause close and then they were dancing together. Hips in time and so close almost touching. They continued like this for a while and Morgause was feeling like maybe being here wasn’t an awful idea after all.

A while later the collapsed onto the couch, Morgana practically laying on top of Morgause. They were both giggling, pink cheeked, and a bit sweaty. The press of Morgana against her made a shiver run down her spine. Morgana sat up and they sat on the couch, taking selfies and making silly faces before posting them on Instagram. Morgana was sitting on Morgause’s lap to make room for the people that just showed up at the couch.

They were whispering about the people dancing and laughing at some of the more ridiculous dance moves. But suddenly Morgause saw Morgana’s eyes light up in a predatory gleam Morgause recognized all too well. She followed Morgana’s line of sight and saw Arthur walking into the room, his friend and well know sidekick next to him. Arthur was wearing a grey tee that clung to his broad chest and even Morgause could recognize he looked amazing, his golden hair shining and blue eyes sparkling.

“I think it’s time I make a move,” Morgana said to Morgause with a wiggle of her eyebrows before standing up, leaving Morgause with a chill as her body was suddenly gone. The black-haired girl sauntered over to Arthur, and Morgause knew the moment Arthur caught sight of her. His eyes widened appreciatively before he schooled his features into a flirty look. Morgause could relate. When she looked away from the flirting knowing if she watched too much longer she met eyes with Merlin. He sent her a sympathetic smile and started walking towards her. He squeezed onto the couch next to her.

“I think we’re in the same boat,” his voice whispered into her ear.

Morgause made her tone indifferent. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” As soon as she said it though she felt her face fall. Arthur had whispered into Morgana’s ear and the brunette eagerly nodded before he was leading her out of the room.

“So, you’re not in love with your best friend? And you look devastated because…” Merlin said, not meanly just plainly.

“Shut up,” Morgause mumbled and pulled out her phone. She opened an app and started playing some games. She looked over and saw Merlin’s dark hair curling around his ears as he too stared at his phone, tapping at it aggressively.

Morgause sighed. “Yeah, I guess we are in the same boat,” she told Merlin with a sad smile which he returned. The two of them kept playing games, comparing high scores occasionally.

After a while, Morgause isn’t sure how long, Morgana showed up in front of her. Her lipstick was smudged and her lips looked swollen and her hair was no longer perfectly placed. She had a giddy look in her eye. She grabbed Morgause by the hand and pulled her up with a rush of “come on come on!” between gleeful giggles. Next thing Morgause realized they were outside, the cool air hitting her face and cooling her instantly. They kept walking until they reached the edge of the woods. Morgana laid on her back looking up at the stars through the branches of trees. Morgause settled beside her, her arm near Morgana’s but not touching.

Morgana let out a sigh. “Oh, Morgause, it was incredible. He was so great. And his tongue, oh my god his tongue.” Morgause was happy Morgana couldn’t see her in the dark, she tried to hold it in but the tears formed in her eyes. She didn’t let them out, but the stars above her blurred. Her ears started ringing as Morgana told her in detail how his hands felt running along her body, how she’d made him hard, how she didn’t know someone could make you feel like that. At first Morgause was thinking ‘he doesn’t and won’t ever deserve you’ then she started cursing every deity she knew of. There was no way she deserved this. Deserved to have this girl in front of her and never be able to touch her, to love her. Morgause bit her lips and hope she could handle it all. She has to keep it together.

 

Five  
It’s been a week since the party. Morgause hasn’t seen Morgana since she had dropped her off at home that night. It hurt to even think about. She gets some courage though, opens up her phone and texts Morgana. ‘Indian take out and Harry Potter marathon?’ She gets an enthusiastic reply. Morgause just thinks. ‘I forgive her’.

Six  
The hustle and bustle of the cafeteria was louder than usual. Morgause caught snippets of conversations, heard chairs squeaking against shiny linoleum floors and the sizzle of a grills. It was her fifth week of university and she was starting to feel comfortable in her routine. Morgana had come to the same university and insisted on being roommates. It was the most beautiful torture. Morgause had finally accepted she’s a masochist.

She was walking along a wall of refrigerated food, grabbing herself a yogurt parfait and a small salad. As she headed to check out, she saw a shelf of strawberry apple sauce, and the memory of a moan Morgana had made eating it flashed in her mind. She grabbed one to buy the girl, knowing she would’ve forgotten how much she loved it. After swiping her student ID, she grabbed the food and headed to where she saw Morgana sitting with some friends they’d made. A small brunette named Freya, her eyes wide and kind, was sitting across for Morgana. She was giggling at some story Morgana was telling. Morgana had one leg under the other and was leaning forward, waving a bit of chicken that was attached to her fork around, face animated.  
Morgause reached the table and slipped into the seat next to Morgana as she was finishing her story. Freya let out a laugh then smiled a welcoming grin to Morgause.

“Morgause!” Morgana shrieked when she saw the blonde beside her. “I missed you.” She fake pouted. Morgana had started this thing where if they went more than a few minutes away from each other she would act as if it had been hours, sometimes days. Apparently because they were always together it was disorienting when they weren’t, or some shit.

“Morgana!” Morgause said clearly mocking Morgana’s tone. Freya laughed and muttered something about them being ridiculous.

“You’re no fun,” Morgana said with a roll of her eyes, finally wrapping her lips around her fork and eating the bite of grilled chicken.

“Does this make up for it?” Morgause said while holding up the apple sauce, wiggling it with a grin and a raise of her eyebrows.

“Ooo! You are my absolute favorite!” Morgana let out excitedly. Then she reached for the cup and while she grabbed it she kissed Morgause’s cheek. The press of her perfectly formed lips against Morgause’s cheek made her shiver and when Morgana pulled away she couldn’t help the smile that stayed on her face for the rest of the day.

That night after class Morgana had rushed into the room sputtering about how her hot TA from English Composition had asked her out and she was so excited! They were going to the theater tonight, then she begged Morgause to help her pick something to wear. Of course she did, she had to be the best friend. And when Morgana left looking stunning she hugged Morgause and then thanked her for being the absolute, bloody, best.

Now Morgause was laying in her bed trying to go to sleep. She didn’t want to be awake when Morgana returned to their tiny dorm. All of her thoughts shouted ‘She’ll never love you’ but Morgause focused on the way her lips had felt against her cheek this afternoon, and muttered out a ‘She already does’ as a single tear slipped onto the pillow. She drifted to sleep thinking about how those lips would feel against hers.

 

*BYOB = bring your own beer

**Author's Note:**

> Come check me out on tumblr! The 100 blog and Merlin blog


End file.
